I don’t normally draw a lot of fan art. However, I couldn’t get this idea out of my head, as simple as it is. Here we have Marvel’s Loki with a character I created a long time ago named Aura. She’s half light elf, half fire demon. This is the first time I’ve drawn Aura in a side profile, and this also the first time I’ve drawn a human Loki. (I did a dragon version of him back in 2013) Please enjoy my nerdiness.
I’m tired of walking on broken glass
Slicing my feet along the cracks
Blood oozing to fill the gaps
I’m tired of drowning in the shallows
Simply hang me from the gallows
Allow me to be devoured by shadows
I’m tired of being fed senseless lies
Handed false information to cross the divide
All the fallacies wringing me dry
I’ll never be too exhausted to stand
Not even against events unplanned
Not against those slapping my hand
I’ll never cease to be a fire
My flames always reaching higher
Until only the stars shine brighter
I’ll never relinquish my standards
Nor will I become my own bystander
Nor will I let the truth be hampered
I realized today I haven’t posted the full resolution of my cover image. Well, now I’ve corrected myself in thinking I had.
I want to start this Memoir Monday off by saying I may be a tad more emotional than normal because I’m currently in pain, and I don’t deal with pain well. (I have severe chronic migraines, and I’m currently dealing with one.) However, the topic of change is one I’ve been thinking about for some time now.
We all face change, whether we want to or not. It can be good; it can be bad. Life can be boiled down to change and learning how to deal with said change. Often times, how we decide to deal with it shapes who we ultimately become. Depression and anxiety comes from change but so can happiness and joy.
Recently, I’ve been having to prepare myself for changes I’m not quite sure what to do with. I have a history of not dealing with change well. At all. As much as I like spontaneity in my life, I also like things a certain way. I get rather upset when something doesn’t fit into my pre-made mold of how I think my life should be. It’s a daily struggle.
I also have a habit of being a control freak. And we all know change isn’t something we can control. Not usually, anyway. Even if we can control how we react to it. Typically, I don’t control my own emotions about it; I just react then deal with the consequences later. Which generally makes everything worse.
While I will do a section on family some time, I just wanted to say now that I’ve always been close to my family, even though we’ve gone through times where we’ve had our differences. I had my teenage moments. My parents will attest to that. However, we were still close. Especially my sister and I. Which all changed, of course, when I got married and moved out three years ago. I’m still dealing with it.
However, depending on how certain events transpire, more change will come. And no matter how much I tell myself I’m ready for it, I’m not. Over the past three years, I feel like all I’ve done is become distant from my family. I feel like I don’t know them anymore or I’m not a part of my family anymore. Which I know are lies made up by my mind, but I still can’t help but wonder. Like I said, I don’t deal with change well, and I’m afraid everything will become even more distant, more…alien.
And this type of change isn’t just happening with my family. It’s been happening with friends I originally thought I was close to. Either my life has changed, or their life has changed, and we’ve become distant. They say things about me they’ve used to never say. I’m finding I don’t know them as well as I used to, same with my family. I don’t know why.
With all this happening around the same time, I can’t help but wonder one thing: have I changed as a person, and is that change bad, since I feel so disconnected from everything? I know we all go through shifts in our personalities as we age, but I don’t feel like I’ve had one in a while. Perhaps that’s my problem. Or am I going through a change in my personality right now and not realizing it? I honestly couldn’t tell you.
I feel like I’m at a loss about everything. I’m afraid to embrace any type of change that may be happening, and that’s most likely the root of my problems. I’m keeping myself stuck in the same rut because I’m afraid to move forward. And I’m afraid to move forward because I’m afraid the looming changes are going to rip away everyone I care about. Even if they’re already slowly slipping through my fingers. I just don’t foresee the changes bringing anyone closer to me.
Again, I can’t tell if it’s because I’ve changed as a person, or if I’m in the middle of changing. I’m afraid, and I just want things to be like they’ve always been.
My daily driver is a 2006 Jeep Wrangler Golden Eagle. For those who don’t know, the Golden Eagle package was produced only for half the 2006 year. It’s also a dark metallic green with eagle logos and gold accents. But my Jeep isn’t the only reason I’m writing this post for this Freebie Friday because I drive nine miles to get to my morning job. Even though I’m a part timer, I have a set schedule, so I leave my house around the same time every morning.
That being said, I also take the same path to work. No matter if I leave a few minutes early or even a few minutes late, I almost always past an early 2000s Wrangler that’s red, has some diamond plating accents, and silver rims versus my gold ones. But that’s not where the irony ends.
The man who drives the red Jeep is bald with a big, thick beard. I, on the other hand, am bald on my chin and have thick, semi-long hair I keep in a ponytail. Even still, there’s more to my amusement about this situation. I drive nine miles to work at a Home Depot, when there’s one literally down the street from my house. The man drives nine miles to work at Lowe’s, when there’s one closer to the apartment complex I’ve seen him pull out of many times.
Perhaps, I’m just easily entertained (well, let’s face it, I am easily entertained. I flipped out today at work after finding a super miniature padlock I didn’t know existed as product), but this tickles me every single morning I drive and pass the bearded man who drives the red Jeep.
I keep wanting to make some kind of short story out of this. However, I haven’t come up with anything good. I’ve been thinking some type of alternate reality circumstance for the plot? We’ll see if anything comes to fruition. Hmm, I’m not sure. But I’m hoping now that I’ve written this out, I’ll be able to think of something worthwhile.
Thornne squinted an eye at the mug she finished. “This coffee tastes weird.”
Rosalee paused as she wiped down the main counter. Her salmon-colored eyes widening. “That’s probably because it’s not coffee.”
“Rose…what did I just drink?”
“I, uh, well, I’m not sure.”
Thornne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Please don’t tell me I just downed another one of your potion experiments. Last time, I almost fell in love with Hyalus, and I swear, if that happens again, I will kill you this time.”
“Oh, come on. You know you love me.” The practicing mage smiled sheepishly. “It’s almost closing time, so how about I shut down early?” She locked the front door of her quaint coffee shop and pulled down all the blinds in the slender windows. Then her expression turned serious. “Give me that mug.”
With a scowl, she pushed it across the counter’s bar. “Take it.” She smoothed back her thick, lime green hair.
Rosalee held the mug under her nose and inhaled a deep breath. “Hmm. Getting some herbs. Ooh, a spice or two for flavor. A hint of honey–”
“Rose, what did I just drink?”
Her tongue flicked along the inside rim of the mug. “Oh! This isn’t anything harmful at all. Just my new way to color my hair.” She tossed her rich chocolate brown hair dipped in fuschia. “A girl like me doesn’t have time for lengthy coloring sessions, so I’m trying an oral method.”
Thornne’s nostrils flared. “Will this change my hair color? Because I have a strict rule of keeping it this vibrant green. I don’t want it to be anything else.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t tried it yet.”
The shapeshifter sighed and let her head fall on the counter. “I swear…”
Rosalee’s lips formed a thin line. “Uh, Thornne?”
“Look at your arm.”
Thornne lifted her head, holding out her right arm. Watched the tattoo sleeve change color. The roses and spiraling thorny stems faded from black to neon pink. Her jaw set, and she slowly turned her head toward her friend. “Are you kidding me right now? How long is this going to last?”
The modern sorceress held up her hands. “I don’t know! This was an experiment. It doesn’t look half bad on you.”
“We are not leaving this coffee shop until you fix this. Do you hear me? I don’t care if we’re here until the rest of the night. I’m not going to be seen in public like this.”
Rosalee couldn’t contain a giggle. “You know, it’s a good thing were in the Millennial generation. People are used to our ‘exotic’ colors.”
The shapeshifter frowned. “This…abomination is not my color. I only wear black, white, and green. You know this. So fix it. Now.”
“Alright, alright, Ms. Grumpypants. I’ll start working on a counter potion.”
“And while you’re at it, you can get me a real cup of coffee.”