Spooked by the Lake

The last rays of light reflect on the rippling water before me, a millions stars twinkling overhead.

The moon nowhere to be found.

A chorus of crickets rises to greet the night sky with a bass of frogs ascending in. A soft breeze tickles my back, brushing my hair along my neck. It sends chills down my spine.

An inky darkness creeps along the edges of the water. Dried corn stalks rustle behind me and make me check over my shoulder.

I am alone and unarmed.

A perfect target for a wanting predator.

The remnants of day completely fade, plunging me fully into the night. The stars my only guardians.

And the only witnesses to whatever may happen now that the protective sun is gone.

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Letters to God

I simply don’t understand
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
I’m supposed to be in Your hands
But I feel like I’m being let down

I don’t know what I can do
I’m always in so much pain
I know I need to look to You
But I can’t help turning away

My heart is broken in pieces
I don’t know how to stitch it
All I need is some kind of reason
To understand why You’re doing this

Even with You I feel lost
I find all the wrong roads
Is my eternal suffering the cost
Of you bearing all my loads

I don’t know if You think I’m strong
I honestly don’t know how I can be
But how can You be wrong
Don’t give me the responsibility

I really feel I’m at my end
Every path lies obstructed
I cannot afford to begin again
Not even with what You’ve constructed

You’re supposed to lead me to still waters
Isn’t that what the Bible says
Then why do You let me continue to falter
All of my meaningless days

How do You expect me to fight
When everything exploits my weakness
I really need You to be my light
Because I’m constantly in darkness

I know I’m a sinful creature
Maybe I need to have more patience
When the world has made me its mocking feature
It’s difficult to find endurance

I don’t know what You want from me
Is it wrong of me to ask
Can You please just let me see
Instead of having me wear a mask

Where are You when I need You most
Am I simply not enough
Even when it’s Your name I boast
Please don’t expect me to constantly be tough

There’s few things I understand
Like why do I keep finding the wrong
Please reassure me I’m in Your hands
Please keep me from falling down

Midnight Madness

There is no one
Not a single stirring soul
I feel like a ghost
Traversing the veil alone
My light barely piercing the ink
The silhouettes merging with shadow
Shines of space nonexistent
But alas I see a being
Someone to voyage with me perhaps
My hopes were in vain
Merciless fog enshrouds me
A thick cloth of cool air
Blanketing my sight further
The feeling of loss consumes me
Apparitions taunt my waning attention
Melting into the smoke soup
Another form beckons me
Breaking off into a pair
Glowing eyes guide my steps
Until basin fires are revealed to me
Perched upon ancient stone
The sight stealing breath from my lungs
Under the casts of warm illumination
Reads a chilly communication
“Welcome” scratched in blood
My heart pulsing wildly
Sweat beading on clammy skin
It’s here I find my end
And wake from the cruel night terrors
If only it had been a dream….

A Chronic Monster Inside

“I need help,” she hoarsely called as she fought to keep tears at bay, the agony inside her head growing. She couldn’t cry because her vision was already blurred by the pain. All she could see was colored blurs. Nothing was in definition. But she needed to get out.

The right side of her face grew numb. Save for the long, quarter-inch drill bit grinding its way through her skull, the pointed tip severing the nerves behind her eye. She rubbed the problem area with the heel of her palm.

There was no blood; she wished there was. It would give a reason to her suffering.

Her hand felt the area beside her. Felt a wall. She tried clawing her way up to her feet, but her equilibrium refused to stabilize. Darkness flickered into her vision. Mind spinning, she slid back to the scratchy floor. “Hello?” her voice was nothing more than a pitiful whine, “I need help.”

She stayed pressed against the wall. Its coolness providing slight comfort. Though her face remained contorted in a grimace. The pain in her head caused her hearing to elevate. She could listen to every creak, groan, and crack of the building. She could hear all the leaves rustling with the wind outside, discern all ambient noise.

But she could not hear another person. Could not locate someone to help her. Her eyes opened. Everything was still blurred, even with the bright white bleeding into her peripherals. Her chest trembled with unspent sobs. Mirroring the slight shudder of her body.

“Please,” she managed. Allowed herself to fall to her hands and knees. “I need help. H-hello?” The outline of what she presumed was a door materialized. Hopefully, it was a door. She needed out. Needed aid. She was alone, scared. The pain had never been so threatening before. “Please.”

The dam holding back her tears finally broke as she miserably crawled to her perspective freedom. “Hello?” Her throat dried, and her little strength waned. She collapsed with a whimper. “I need help.” Curling up into a ball, she hugged herself. “Hello…hello?” She couldn’t get any closer to the door. Couldn’t get any closer to escape, relief.

“I need help. Please?” Her eyes fluttered. “H-hello?” The volume of her voice dropped considerably. “I…I need help. Hello?” She buried her head into the rough floor, everything coming out as raspy whispers. “Hello…hello…I need help. I need help. Please. Hello?” The darkness completely enveloped her. “I need h-help…”

Emotions

A bleeding heart
A bleeding mind
Worn boldly on my sleeve
Yet…
The mask still hides all
Nobody cares to see underneath
Nobody seems to hear my pleas
Crying in silence
Tears falling in darkness
Weeping brings anger to others
Though I’m not sure why
So the mask stays
Tears leaving invisible scars
Untraceable self-harm
The world turns a blind eye
Fear takes control
Turns sorrow into paranoia
Am I cursed
Am I the problem
How do I remove the problem
Would others even notice
Should I remove the problem
They still can’t see beyond the mask
While my heart hemorrhages
Both sleeves permanently stained
Blatant, obvious
Wordless suffering
Endless torment
Can nobody see past the facade
My lies of happiness
My dishonest joy
Thousands of fraudulent smiles
To keep others pleasant
So they could never know my true pain
Though I desire for them to dig deeper
A constant conundrum
Of what I think I want
And what I’m not sure of
An exhausting battle
All behind the lighthearted mask
Except my heart
My bleeding heart
Sliced with depression and uncertainty
Blackened by hatred of self
Thickened with envy and lust
For the life I see in others
The grass is greener on the other side
While I forever drown in woe
Brought on by my own misery
I am aware
I am so painfully aware
Of what I do to myself
And yet…
I cannot break the cycle
I’m a poison, a lethal toxin
Killing those around me
Behind this mask filled with laughter
How can they realize it’s me
Nobody suspects what they deem as
The good person
But I will always know
Of who I truly am inside
A mendacious thief of life
A dedicated torturer of self
And a perfect butcher of emotions

Bones of Saints

A long forgotten marker
From a less memorable time
Weathered by sun and storm
Stone covered in lichen
The symbol barely visible
None know of the secrets beneath
A labyrinth tomb kept away
Hidden from prying eyes
Safe from hands of theft
Though no riches lie below
Only the broken remains of souls
Yellowed bones with chips and marks
Lifeless forms etched with runes
Their story never to be told
Of the day the world collectively bled
Of the day ancient evil awoke
Water and sky became crimson
And no mortal dared stopping it
None except a courageous few
They gathered from around the globe
Uniting as brothers under a common banner
It took the lives of every one
To send the evil asunder
A mutual defeat of both sides
Darkness dragging the men underground
So their legend could never live on
So their names could never be praised
To this day no one can fathom
What transpired so long ago
But the earth will always remember
What was done to save it
That’s why if forever preserves
These deserving bones of saints

Vanish Into the Night with Me

Vanish into the night with me
I will show you what it means to live
Follow the dim path and you will see
What the night can truly give

Delve into the night with me
There is so much you can learn
Knowledge opens many possibilities
The type of power all kinds yearn

Frolic into the night with me
Across darkness we will glide
Moving until we see heartbeats
Until the night no longer lets us hide

Adventure into the night with me
Surely there is something you want to find
Something to make your life meaning concrete
Even though you have lost your mind

Dissolve into the night with me
Allow the ink to lure you further
No matter how much you try to plea
There is no resisting unquenchable desire

Vanish into the night with me
It will be your final destination
A place of eternal rest without fee
The night loves when you are six feet in