Tag Archives: Live

Vanish Into the Night with Me

Vanish into the night with me
I will show you what it means to live
Follow the dim path and you will see
What the night can truly give

Delve into the night with me
There is so much you can learn
Knowledge opens many possibilities
The type of power all kinds yearn

Frolic into the night with me
Across darkness we will glide
Moving until we see heartbeats
Until the night no longer lets us hide

Adventure into the night with me
Surely there is something you want to find
Something to make your life meaning concrete
Even though you have lost your mind

Dissolve into the night with me
Allow the ink to lure you further
No matter how much you try to plea
There is no resisting unquenchable desire

Vanish into the night with me
It will be your final destination
A place of eternal rest without fee
The night loves when you are six feet in

Advertisements

The Fall

The water thundered over the side of the cliff, tumbling down below. The mist roiled skyward. But such was the ways of waterfalls. A peaceful yet violent force of nature.

She stood atop the falls, surveying the land below. It had taken her three hours to climb to the precipice, and it had been worth every second. The serene atmosphere gave her plenty of time to reflect. And nothing in her mind had changed.

Recently, it had occurred to her what life really meant. How futile human existence was. Their purpose was to make the world a better place. And how miserable they failed. That’s why their lives were less than a hundred years. Why would they live longer lives? They were only selfish beings who honestly deserved less.

It was why she climbed to the falls. Her life had been nothing but a selfish disaster. A selfish disappointment. She would make the world a better place by returning her body to fertilize the earth. It had been something that filled her with fear, but no more. It was something she came to terms with. Something she wanted.

Her eyes closed as the waterfall breeze mingled the spray with hair. It was time. Holding out her arms, she leaned forward. Felt the rush of the wind against her face. Tingling every nerve.

Ten.

She had no regrets.

Nine.

No fear.

Eight.

No more reason to live.

Seven.

This was her wish.

Six.

Her peace.

Five.

Her freedom.

Four.

She smiled.

Three.

No one would ever see her again.

Two.

Her body hit the water.

One….


Forever Waiting

Waiting
Forever waiting
Watching time go by
Seconds hardly move
Waiting
Forever waiting
Leg bouncing up and down
Nervous tick increasing
Waiting
Forever waiting
Checking the watch
Only a minute passed
Waiting
Forever waiting
Going out of mind
Losing all patience
Waiting
Forever waiting
How much longer
Must it be this hard
Waiting
No longer waiting
Taking deep breaths
Anxiously hearing results
Waiting
Forever waiting
For the reckoning day
When life can live again


Monsters Living in My Head

Everyone has monsters that plague them. Some even call them demons. At times, these monsters take on theorectical forms. Other times, physical forms. Sometimes, both. Usually, they’re manifestations of fear, doubt, hate, etc. And, at times, it can be difficult to escape them. It can be even more difficult to conquer them. Whether they plague us for a few days, a couple months, or even all our lives.

I’ve had a monster haunt me since I was fairly young. It had a physical form. I’ve written about it a few times. Its haunches peaked at around ten feet, back sloping to a mechanical tail ending in a sharp spike. The body covered in a gross mixture of robotics, bones, decaying flesh and muscles. Green-tinted blood and black oil oozed from it. Chunks of flesh filled with maggots constantly fell from it. The mechanical spine always ground and moved with black smoke pouring out. Serrated talons ended large, metal paws. The skull of this monster has been hard for me to describe. Other than it being a strange mutation of a feline, canine, and dragon skull. And, of course, it had glowing red eyes. Sound familiar to anyone?

The first vivid memory I have of it was when I was little. Though, I cannot recall if this was an actual memory or a potent nightmare. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. So I did what any young child does. I went to my parents’ room. But the door was locked. Somehow, I ended up on the floor, trying to get their attention. Then I looked down the hall. All I saw was the monster coming for me. The last thing I remember is me crying while being utterly petrified.

I speak of the beast in past tense because I like to think my dealings with it are over. There was a time when I worked until midnight at my job. I would come home half asleep. Since my first encounter with the monster, it had occassionally plagued my dreams. Liking to rear its head when I was particularly anxious. But when I came home from work one night, I felt like I was being followed up the stairs. I saw it there, waiting for me. Making sounds akin to a demonized velociraptor. It was after midnight, and I was exhausted. I rolled my eyes at it. Turned my back on it, demanding it go away. That night, I had a dream I defeated it. And the monster I was so afraid of dissolved away, revealing a baby dragon. Funny how brains work that way.

For a long time, I never had a problem with it. Never even thought about it. Not until after I married two years ago. I knew it would be a life-changing experience, but I didn’t quite expect everything that went into getting married, moving out of my parents’ house, and basically starting a new life. Guess what came back. Yep. My childhood monster had returned. It actually dominated my daydreams for awhile. Then it became a nightmare again.

One thing had changed, however. It didn’t chase me this time. It went after my husband. That was the final straw for me. And not only did I kill it, again, so did my husband. We tag-teamed that sucker and defeated it action movie style. You know. Like bosses.

I cannot say it’s gone for good. I still think about it. I’ve included it in a couple of stories. However, I haven’t had nightmares about it. And when I start to see it again, I challenge it, dare it. Go ahead; try to take down a duo of awesome. I’m much more confident in my head than in real life. But one thing I’ve found is having someone to talk about monsters/demons with really helps. Just having a reminder that you’re not alone.

My monster was definitely a physical manifestation of my severe anxiety. That was something I had to learn. At first, I didn’t know where it came from or why it bothered me. Once I pinpointed its reason, I was able to deal with it better. I had discovered its purpose. I knew why it was there. I could react accordingly.

The thing I take most from my experience is that I could, indeed, control it. I told it to go away, and it did. Every time it tries to resurface, I make it disappear. It’s not always easy. Monsters have the ability to fight back. Until you regain control over your own mind. It doesn’t matter if your monster stems from anxiety, fear, low self-worth, whatever it extends from. What matters is identifying the root, the soul of said monster. Working on the real issue. Not until you are able to control your mind are you able to make them go away.

A monster’s sole purpose is to distract. Keep your mind off the real issue. Your monsters, your demons don’t want you to get better. They want you to wallow in suffering. That’s how they thrive. But when we take back our own life, that’s when they die. For however long depends on how long we keep fighting. Don’t get me wrong. We’re not perfect. We fall. We stumble. We get tired. And that’s when they love to strike harder than the last time. What matters, though, is if we pick ourselves back up. If we unsheath our swords. If we unleash our power. What matters is staring your beast in the face, yelling at it to come get some, and attacking it before it can attack you.


Stress

Stress. A six-lettered monster. Maybe even a six-lettered demon. It’s a word, an idea, a lifestyle. It conquers good, consumes dreams, abolishes hope. It’s such a small word, but its meaning knows no bounds. Why do we become slave to it? It haunts our days, torments our nights. It’s always at the back. Whispering to us. Letting us know it’s still there. Then it becomes a tumbling roar that shakes us to the core and pains our minds. But why, though? Why do we let stress become our unrelenting master? We know its vileness. Know of its powers. Know that it’s toxic to our soul. It keeps us from moving forward. Still. Why? Many don’t understand why. It loves to silently take over until we can’t deny it any longer. Then we realize we’re too deep. We choose to live with it. We choose to accept it. Why don’t we listen to the small voice telling us to break free?! We can break the chains! But that would be too hard. It is painful, no one denies that. But we can be free! All we have to do is choose! Everyday, choose. Say goodbye to the ravenous fiend. It means nothing. Make it leave you alone. Tell it it’s no longer your master. Speak you’re no longer its slave. Be free. Choose to live in the light. Choose to be happy. Be your own master. Choose.


%d bloggers like this: